single again

And this time i’m staying this way for a while. It’s time to learn who I am and what I want from life. It’s time I got back into writing the way the way I keep wanting too. Well, maybe I do know what i want.

This will be fun.

It has been a really really long time,

since I have felt led to post anything of meaning on this site.  But, here I am. 

I fell down, and today, I finally found my strength in God to get back up again.  Praise Adonai, Praise Jehova Jireh. 

Here I am.  I am 19, have a career, a good paying job (if you compare me to the unemployed) I am fed, and housed, I have a good man standing beside me.  I’m in love and engaged.  And, I let Satan lead again.  I let him take all of those blessings from me, to blind me.  Well, today, I stood up.  Oh God, thank you.

I stood in front of my peers, rededicating my Life to Christ, and I had this sob just overtake me.  I have been convincing myself for months that I didn’t need to stand infront of my congregation and make my rededication public, but now I have the support of my christian family. 

You can fall so quickly when you want humanity and not Christianity.  Well, now I can say that I’ve been there I guess.  Now, I have to start all over.  But, that’s ok.  We fall down, but we get up.  Cause a saint is just a sinner that fell down and Got Up. (BMC choir song [ i don't know who wrote it])

It’s been a while

Well, I can’t say that I’m back on the blogging scene.  I haven’t been here for a while, I did a blog a bit ago on my other website, (look at my blog roll) but I just haven’t had anything to say.  Where am I really?  I’m sure that seems like a very odd question to ask mostly people I don’t know.  But I’m at this place in my life where I don’t know what to expect anymore.  This week hasn’t been much fun for me, I’ve pretty much argued everyday of it with a bunch of different people.  I’ve been told how not good I am–which I suppose is fair judging by who it came from.  I made a real effort to listen, a feat in and of itself, I don’t know if he even hears me. 

I’m going away.  Soon.  And, I have a feeling that everything that I thought was going to happen isn’t and that the only tie to my current life will be my family.  It’s like I’m standing on a cliff looking out on the ocean and everything in the past is behind me; and the future isn’t an abyss, but it’s vast just the same.  I didn’t know my life would change so much with the choice that I’ve made, but I feel like I won’t be back to this place for very long once I’ve left for good.  I’ve “loved” 3 times in my short existence, and been in love once.  (I love lots of people, you know what I mean)  None of those loves lasted, I feel like I might be leaving those behind for good too. 

I know these seem like the confused rantings of a wayword youth, and I assure you I’m not wayword.  I just feel the ending, I see it.  And I’m about to take that leap into my metaphorical ocean.  Pray for me on my journey.

My God, My God, Why Have You Forsaken Me?

              A while ago, I had the privilege of, not having the trinity proved by this saying, but having why Jesus may have exclaimed this explained by a wonderful pastor at my church.  You may not know this, and then again you may, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?”  is also the first line of Psalm 22.  

        Before I go into all of this I have to make known what this Pastor made known to me. The Pharisees were at the crucifixion, men of God were at the crucifixion. If I have my facts straight, then Jewish people study and memorize much more than Christians do.  They would have known this Psalm.  They would have known what it meant.  It is possible that the Messiah would have said this for their benefit.  (This was the Pastor at my church not long ago, I’ll not put his name, but he is the one who gave me the lesson I’m sharing with you [well my parents taught me some of the things that I'm sharing too])

Psalm 22 (New International Version)

 

Psalm 22

For the director of music. To the tune of “The Doe of the Morning.” A psalm of David.

 1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
       Why are you so far from saving me,
       so far from the words of my groaning? 2 O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
       by night, and am not silent.

[Jesus took on the sin of the world...God would have to forsake him, even though he was his son, because God can not even look upon sin.]

 3 Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
       you are the praise of Israel. ^[a]

 4 In you our fathers put their trust;
       they trusted and you delivered them.

 5 They cried to you and were saved;
       in you they trusted and were not disappointed.

 6 But I am a worm and not a man,
       scorned by men and despised by the people.

 7 All who see me mock me;
       they hurl insults, shaking their heads:

 8 “He trusts in the LORD;
       let the LORD rescue him.
       Let him deliver him,
       since he delights in him.”

[You may recognize this as something that was said to/of Christ, Matthew 27:43]

 9 Yet you brought me out of the womb;
       you made me trust in you
       even at my mother’s breast.

 10 From birth I was cast upon you;
       from my mother’s womb you have been my God.

[read the first few chapters of both Matthew and Luke]

 11 Do not be far from me,
       for trouble is near
       and there is no one to help.

 12 Many bulls surround me;
       strong bulls of Bashan encircle me.

 13 Roaring lions tearing their prey
       open their mouths wide against me.

 14 I am poured out like water,
       and all my bones are out of joint.
       My heart has turned to wax;
       it has melted away within me.

 15 My strength is dried up like a potsherd,
       and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
       you lay me ^[b] in the dust of death.

 16 Dogs have surrounded me;
       a band of evil men has encircled me,
       they have pierced ^[c] my hands and my feet.

 17 I can count all my bones;
       people stare and gloat over me.

 18 They divide my garments among them
       and cast lots for my clothing.

[Matthew 27:32-44]

 19 But you, O LORD, be not far off;
       O my Strength, come quickly to help me.

 20 Deliver my life from the sword,
       my precious life from the power of the dogs.

 21 Rescue me from the mouth of the lions;
       save ^[d] me from the horns of the wild oxen.

 22 I will declare your name to my brothers;
       in the congregation I will praise you.

 23 You who fear the LORD, praise him!
       All you descendants of Jacob, honor him!
       Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!

 24 For he has not despised or disdained
       the suffering of the afflicted one;
       he has not hidden his face from him
       but has listened to his cry for help.

 25 From you comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly;
       before those who fear you ^[e] will I fulfill my vows.

 26 The poor will eat and be satisfied;
       they who seek the LORD will praise him—
       may your hearts live forever!

 27 All the ends of the earth
       will remember and turn to the LORD,
       and all the families of the nations
       will bow down before him,

 28 for dominion belongs to the LORD
       and he rules over the nations.

 29 All the rich of the earth will feast and worship;
       all who go down to the dust will kneel before him—
       those who cannot keep themselves alive.

 30 Posterity will serve him;
       future generations will be told about the Lord.

 31 They will proclaim his righteousness
       to a people yet unborn—
       for he has done it.  (biblegateway.com)

[Does this section read like a song of sorrow, of despair.  God wins, His righteousness is proclaimed!  Christ was raised, we were saved!]

Yes, I know posting the Psalm made this very, very long.  So I just made bold key lines and made notes on the way.  Now, I feel like I didn’t explain this right.  The best I can do is to say that the Pastor explained this Psalm as triumphant.   The Men who knew the Scriptures would have known this psalm and would have known the recent events.  I hope you got something out of this, because I feel that it’s just rantings. 

~Amanda~

 

 

Does God Exist…excerpt

excerpt

5. Does God exist? We know God exists because he pursues us. He is constantly initiating and seeking for us to come to him.
I was an atheist at one time. And like most atheists, the issue of people believing in God bothered me greatly. What is it about atheists that we would spend so much time, attention, and energy refuting something that we don’t believe even exists?! What causes us to do that? When I was an atheist, I attributed my intentions as caring for those poor, delusional people…to help them realize their hope was completely ill-founded. To be honest, I also had another motive. As I challenged those who believed in God, I was deeply curious to see if they could convince me otherwise. Part of my quest was to become free from the question of God. If I could conclusively prove to believers that they were wrong, then the issue is off the table, and I would be free to go about my life.

I didn’t realize that the reason the topic of God weighed so heavily on my mind, was because God was pressing the issue. I have come to find out that God wants to be known. He created us with the intention that we would know him. He has surrounded us with evidence of himself and he keeps the question of his existence squarely before us. It was as if I couldn’t escape thinking about the possibility of God. In fact, the day I chose to acknowledge God’s existence, my prayer began with, “Ok, you win…” It might be that the underlying reason atheists are bothered by people believing in God is because God is actively pursuing them.

I am not the only one who has experienced this. Malcolm Muggeridge, socialist and philosophical author, wrote, “I had a notion that somehow, besides questing, I was being pursued.” C.S. Lewis said he remembered, “…night after night, feeling whenever my mind lifted even for a second from my work, the steady, unrelenting approach of Him whom I so earnestly desired not to meet. I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed: perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all of England.”

Lewis went on to write a book titled, “Surprised by Joy” as a result of knowing God. I too had no expectations other than rightfully admitting God’s existence. Yet over the following several months, I became amazed by his love for me.

http://www.everystudent.com (full link to right)

What do you want to see from me?

I’d like to know which you’d rather me post on first. I’ve promised some material, but I don’t know what you’d like to see.

*for biblical contradictions…please leave a comment with your contradiction for me to address.