God at the Center of Your Relationships

So, I’ve given some of my views of marriage. I failed to mention in that post how God should be at the center of every marriage, and instead of going and fixing that when I edited the post earlier, I thought….YAY! New post!

Marriage isn’t the only thing that God should be at the center of.  God should have His Almighty hand in all aspects of your relationships (all of them) not to mention every other aspect of your life.  So when you start dating, when ever that may be, I personally don’t think you should date until you are completely ready to be married…but hey. So when you start dating someone do you think to yourself any of these things,

Will this relationship glorify God?

Would God want me in this relationship?

Will God be able to be the center of this relationship?

?

Lot’s of teenagers date…I know because I’ve been in relationships.  I’ve shared in a few posts, mainly the page about me, that I’ve been hurt in relationships, specifically 2…so please, allow me to share what I’ve learned since being 15 and dating.  Along with not being ready for marriage, I am not ready for a serious relationship, or seriously dating someone.  What I am ready for is forming friendships with members of the opposite sex and learning what I want in a mate.  What I can handle is hanging out, maybe in a date like setting, with guys and learning what dating is like.  And I’m nearly 18.  I’m just not ready. No shame in that.

I’ve tried having a serious relationships and they didn’t work because of several reasons; 1 my obvious immaturity when it comes to dating (not that I’m saying I’m immature per say, only that I can not mentally handle the stress of a relationship); 2 the males obvious immaturity when it came to dating me; 3 lack of communication skills on both parts, ( amazingly, being able to discuss something rationally is really important. That and being honest about your fears and what you believe in); 4 trying at play marriage…if you’re above the age of 25 you completely understand that phrase, what I mean by play marriage is that you act married…it’s as if another person owns you, with out the commitment of marriage.  You forget all else to please this person….big mistake.  and 5 God never was the center.

In Galatians 5, Paul list the fruits of the Spirit…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness…If you have God in your life and you’re living His way, these are the “fruits” of your life, same thing with a relationship with Him at the center. All of these things come with growing maturity of faith, so that explains why I’m not mature enough to handle a serious commitment to another human being…I’m just now learning what it is to have a serious commitment to God. I was so concerned, not even a month ago, about getting someone to fall in love with me that I completely ignored my spiritual self and my own needs when it came to God, the number one being that I have a relationship with him.  I’ve never had time to fall in love with God, and if I’m not in love with Him, how could a relationship work, part of me is missing. Also notice specifically the fruits of patience and kindness…I can say that I don’t always have those traits when I communicate a point…like I said, all parties involved in my love life, no communication skills.  And when you play at marriage, the whole ownage thing really has a lot to do with jealousy and control, why do you need those in your life when you know that the fruits of your relationship are love, joy, peace, and faithfulness.  Why do you have to worry about any type of relationship, not just a dating one, when God’s in the middle and you have these wonderful gifts inside of it?

OK so I’ll can do a fruits of the Spirit blog later.  The point is, when God’s at the center of your relationships you’ve built a good foundation for a strong experience.  If God isn’t the center, well you end up heart broken and alone, wondering why you can’t find a decent person to share your life with, like I was and sometimes am when it comes to dating.  With out God at the center you set yourself up to be jaded.

One more thing…if you are allowing things like sex, or “fooling around” in your relationship, and you’re not married, it’s not God centered.  God can not, and will not surround Himself with sin.  And that’s what all of that ‘stuff’ is, sin.  If you are not married sexual anything will hinder your relationship, I know, trust me.  Dating is about getting to know someone, it’s about seeing if you could have a marriage with them…and you have to allow God at the center of every step of the journey.

I believe, 100%, if a relationship is God centered from the start, and you marry the person of the God centered relationship, there’s more of a chance of the marriage being God centered.  You’ve had practice with that person, you have placed God first for the whole relationship, you’ve formed a habit.  It’ll make, I hope, marriage just a smidgen easier, because it will be God blessed.  And who doesn’t want that?

There seems like there is so much more I could say about dating in general, but this post would just be never ending…so I’ll continue later on…:)

I seem to be, yet again, ranting. I’ll write to y’alls later!

~Amanda~

Marriage….

Big word for a girl not grown, I know.  But I just read a yahoo, top news thing, what ever it’s called, all about marriage and when to get married.  Yahoo asks, “READERS: If single, at what age, if any, do you hope you’ll marry ?”

So I, thankfully, am not married yet, nor does it look like I will be anytime soon.  No boyfriend.  Not looking for anything serious in my life.  I hope that I’ll be married before thirty.  But, God knows what He’s doing, and I’ll get married when He gives me the okky doke.

I’m young, very, and in a lot of ways I’m still a child.  Not only am I not mature enough to handle marriage from an emotional standpoint, I’m not ready mentally either.  I don’t know myself, I struggle along with life trying to find me…so OK, I know WHO I am, and I know a lot about myself, but getting to know yourself is like getting to know someone else sometimes, and I don’t think I know enough about the being named Me to place myself in a marriage.  Maybe I’m wrong, I don’t know, but I think if I were ready for marriage I wouldn’t be 17 and I’d be able to keep a stable and healthy relationship; which I’ve never had…so again, God knows what He’s doing, I can be patient.

Add to not knowing me, I’m only beginning to learn what I want in a mate.  Let’s face it, all those young unmarried folks reading this, marriage isn’t about* sex, it isn’t about being pure your first night, it isn’t like the play relationships we have in high school.  It’s about finding someone that you could spend the rest of your life with, someone you could wake up next to in the morning and stand thinking “Here’s another day with this guy” I’m either going to be giddy and excited about a life time with someone or I’m going to hate it.  I want to marry a friend, someone who I can talk to and someone who appreciates me, and that I can appreciate.  I want to know my needs will be met, not just physically (which seems to be a big deal…not being married, I dunno) but mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.  I was a creature made to be loved, I want to know with all of me that I am.  And then I want to know that I can fulfill the needs of the man I marry. I want to be THAT girl to him, worthy of his time an energy.  I want him to want to come home. For him to know that I love him.  I want a strong marriage, a partnership.

I think the problem my generation has with marriage is having a preconceived notion of what it means to be married.  Or maybe we don’t even think of the fact that we’re committing our lives to another person, what ever may come.  We’ve been conditioned to think that divorce is an answer so why worry, you can always ditch this marriage and try again later.  I’ve seen to much, in 17 years, of broken marriage to think it’s some perfect thing….that happiness comes with being married.  It’s hard, I’ve seen that.  Marriage is two people, each with their own emotional baggage and life experiences to influence their view a situation, coming together, and trusting (which is hard to do) the other with everything, come what may.

My view of the world comes from what I’ve seen,  I don’t want to be married until I’m ready.  I’d like to have a degree and my career in the Navy stable,  if God says go before that time He does, if I find myself 40 and just starting a marriage, oh well.  Divorce not being something I’m willing to do, I want to know what I’m doing.

well now I’m just ranting so I’ll stop.

~Amanda~

*Edit….OK so I understand that the physical side of marriage is important, that it’s a way to convey love for your spouse.  My main point in saying that marriage isn’t about sex is that the marriage in and of itself should never become about your physical relationship.  People have other needs to be met, and while physical intimacy is important, if that is what the foundation for your marriage is, for a while your other needs can be blocked, but 10 years down the road…what are you going to have?   A marriage where you don’t really and truly know your partner.  So my point wasn’t that sex isn’t important, just that marriage isn’t about sex.